It has been almost two weeks since Jonathan and I began our 24-hour odyssey. It has that feeling of being very long ago, in a different place, in a different world. That mental state we went into was so very different than the everyday mindset of getting things done, accomplishments, beginnings and endings. Not to say that we weren't doing those things, but it was in such a non-everyday kind of mode. For 24-hours we were only doing, basically, three things: getting ready to perform, performing, and recovering from performing. And, these 3 things were compacted into hour after hour. It is only now, in a way, that I can step back from that experience and see how different I was in those hours.
So, how does that experience effect me now? I've been asked that question a number of times, and I don't know how to quite answer it. There is a sense of accomplishment, or almost, I can't believe I did it. And it feels like Jonathan and I can perform anywhere at any time and really be present, go deep and, basically, kick ass. But, there is something else - something less obvious. It is a sense or feeling that is resting just outside of my consciousness, I'm not even sure of what it is yet. Maybe it is a bigger sense of freedom, of self-expression, of my ability to create. Maybe it is an expanded sense of what I am capable of, of what is possible. It could be more spaciousness, more openness. Maybe it is a stronger sense of groundedness - bigger earth, bigger sky. It could be deeper trust, stronger conviction and wider wonderment. It is exciting. It is joyful.
I'm so ready to go further, to go to "What's next?"
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
unmapped - performance journal
Here is the journal that we kept during our performance run. For each hour one of us (DB = Daniel & JM = Jonathan) wrote a short description and thoughts about that performance. For each hour we selected, at random, a short phrase from a number of books to serve as a kind of jumping off point, or an inspiration - or, as we called it, our "compass". We hope you enjoy the journey, which is, of course, so different than the physical journey we went on.....
9pm, Hour 1: "to be isolated: every object"
DB: So, we just did the first hour - and we were barely ready - we could only get in the theater one hour before the show and it was a rush to get ready. We didn't even, really, have time to warm up. So, we kind of eased into this show. But, then, of course, I started doing crazy breakin-type moves that was hard on my knees. At one moment I thought, "I must be nuts to be doing this without even warming up." But, we got through it and it seemed interesting to both of us and the audience was really responsive. We'll see what happens next hour.
10pm, Hour 2: "a paralyzed hobo poet"
JM: Well, we certainly have kept our promise to make it different each time (so far). This hour's "compass" certainly had many possibilities. We didn't get to explore much of the "paralysis" side of things, but at a few points I stood in one place and made gestures mostly with hands/arms. During a section where we were both dancing, we had a nice contact duet as the sound slowly faded away. Also felt very nice to get back into our roles at the end... when we knew we had at least five minutes to go I went back to the guitar and let the looped material die away - leaving room for live playing only. Started that section with noisy stuff (hobo poet) and then found one chord to stretch out for a nice long time (paralyzed). Two down. Twenty-two to go...
11pm, Hour 3: "a distance of nine or ten"
DB: OK, so the hours have started to blur a little already. Is it hour 3 or 4? Yikes. This time we actually were funny. I started to count out loud, "1,2,3...9," and it became a little "bit" - hopefully in the best way something can become a "bit." Without getting too slap-sticky we took the phrase we were working on and added some whimsy to it - not something Jonathan and I do very often so it was nice to find that this hour. Another thing I noticed, especially towards the beginning was how some of the movements from the earlier hours were seeping into this hour. I started to revisit themes and specific movements. I hate to think I'm repeating myself - actually it feels more like weaving the different ideas through one another.
12am, Hour 4: "all night and won't let us sleep"
JM: It's getting a little tougher. I was happy with some of the music this time - opening was fairly strong, I think. I found the "compass" a bit hard to use – didn't really get past the surface of it. Daniel's solo was in silence - he went and turned off all the audio, which made for a sudden change. So I left the stage. He did a great job with it - I threw him a real curveball. Starting to feel some fatigue (this is nuthin', I'm sure... but just first signs). Also now I'm feeling fresh out of ideas. Next hour will be much more challenging, I think. This one, I had a hard time picking up movement ideas from Daniel - not sure why this was harder.
1am, Hour 5: "parts of the earth, about languages"
DB: Well, that was challenging. I think Jonathan and I were disagreeing a little about the music. Jonathan kept it spacey and I tried to pick it up a little, but it seemed he was resisting a little. Maybe that wasn't his experience, but I felt the music was really pulling me down. The other thing I noticed this time was that we have gotten into a rhythm of starting in our roles, go into passing the guitar and then me leaving for Jonathan to have his solo. I feel like I get done with that section, and a little tired of dancing, so I leave. We need to find other options. And one really sweet thing - there is a couple on a date and they have watched every hour so far.
2am, Hour 6: "A strange, masochistic affair"
JM: As promised by the "compass" this one was intense. Lots of suffering, wrestling, angst, etc. Show opened with the bar staff taking the trash out the stage door - which is in the audience area at this particular theater... Starting things off noisy and kinda f-d up. We open each show in "our roles" and we're now trying to find some new ways out of that. We found one so far.
I made some looped material, moved out into the stage, and then we both danced.
3am, Hour 7: a white camellia blossom
DB: Quiet. Gentle. Complete opposite of last hour. Stillness. Silence. Long period of time with gentle repetition of motif. Easy does it. Maybe our tiredness is coming on, but also that expanse of nighttime is setting in. That time of night when it seems endless. The darkness is complete, most people are away in their homes. There is a quietness to the world when you can hear yourself breathe. Very simple. Beautiful. 5 people in the audience.
4am, Hour 8: "something dear and rich"
JM: This one was a hard nut to crack... but we got there eventually. Started with lots of floor work - I played the guitar on the stool, then a while on my knees. Daniel joined me, after lots of time on the floor himself. I wiggled my foot repeatedly - like Wickett [ed. note: that's my dog] wagging his tail (dear, not so rich). Daniel did a high-energy solo - rest of show was fairly mellow. We did quite a bit of duo dancing, but almost no contact.
5am, Hour 9: "and then you notice"
DB: This was a very interesting hour. The "compass" led me to try and either get Jonathan to notice me or notice something outside of me - an object or direction. I also began noticing the things that I was noticing - even, myself and my movement. It led me to do quick, sudden movement with pauses - almost as if I did a movement, then noticed it, and then moved again. There was also another moment that was striking - when I was downstage with my back to the audience playing the guitar and Jonathan had a totally rocking solo - of course, he describes it as "flailing."
6am, Hour 10: "Most of us don't breathe"
JM: I thought this one would be clearer than it was. My feet are starting to hurt a little bit, and my balance is not so good. Some technical problems with the guitar rig - had to reset audio during my solo. Some nice duo moments - but mostly just me imitating Daniel. Sure hope I think of some new ways to move.
7am, Hour 11: "holding it in my hands"
DB: Well, I think we learned something important this run - to perform where you are at. Meaning, be present. Meaning, don't try and bust a move if you ain't got no moves left, and I'll tell you at 7am and the 11th performance in a row, we don't have many moves left to bust. Of course, we both know this - I talk about it all the time with my company and classes that I teach. But, I guess you need to learn these things again and again - and, apparently, at 7am is a good time to learn a thing or two. The whole piece was gentle, slow, but totally present - not sleepy, or distracted. Really great! Of course, our only audience member was our volunteer (Jen) who was working in the Box Office.
8am, Hour 12: "drifting sand"
JM: Another low energy - but very focused run. I opened with some droning guitar loops which introduced an indian / middle eastern feel then started playing a faux-middle-eastern kind of melody on top. That turned into a lengthy and self-indulgent guitar solo as I tried to transform the middle eastern feel into blues (slide + distortion). Meanwhile Daniel was doing some very nice and elegant drifting on the floor. Eventually we got up off the floor. Eventually I joined in with the dancing... turned out nicely I think.
9am, Hour 13: "it seems as if it would never stop."
DB: Wow that was different than the last couple. The "compass" really brought out repetition for both Jonathan and I. I started doing pivot turns at the beginning and just kept doing them for 3-4 minutes. It seems, for good reason, that they would never stop. This repetition also brought on intensity and some kind of conflict between Jonathan and I. At one point I rolled Jonathan downstage so part of his limbs were hanging off the stage and I pressed down hard on his ribs. After awhile (don't have a sense of how long it was, but for a good amount of time) I released his chest and he took this huge inhale - it was great to see his ribs move so much. Of course, he promptly started rolling me across the stage and we were off manipulating one another. These elements of repetition and manipulation certainly made me wonder when it would stop - hopefully the audience didn't feel that way, well, all three people....
10am, Hour 14: "For a drink of star"
JM: Went pretty well... but we raced through the opening sections and found ourselves with a good 10 minutes left to go after we were kinda done. But all things considered it was still nice.
11am, Hour 15: "before the word was written"
DB: Oh my, we went hard that time. We had our biggest audience since last night and the energy in the room really inspired us to push the physicality of it very high. At one point I was standing at the back of the stage with my head resting on a pole while Jonathan played his guitar and there was sweat pooling at my feet. It felt like the ancient aspect of this "compass" brought out some ancient feelings, emotions, and movements. I had this reoccurring earthy, bent knee dance that felt like I was dancing an ancient dance. The music became very percussive and driving. I think I might have used up all my remaining energy.
12pm, Hour 16: "Clink! Clink!"
JM: That was a tough one. Hour 15 was draining. This one didn't seem to find it's focus - it was all over the place. Well, we just kinda made it through that one. Not sure that it really held together or developed over time.
1pm, Hour 17: "Spring comes"
DB: This is hard. This is really hard. I thought 5 and 6 o'clock in the morning was hard, but this is very hard. Where do we get the energy to do 7 more? I have NO idea. I'm beat, Jonathan's beat. Trying to keep focus is difficult - it feels like we're just sleep-walking through it - just repeating, not connecting, no energy - yuck! What to do? I have no idea.
The question comes up, at this point, what do we owe the audience? - they know it is hour 17, or the next hour, 18 - what do they expect? What is acceptable? How do we judge these performances - when we're so tired...
2pm, Hour 18: "trying to grasp at a straw"
JM: Ah much better. Much more focused - thanks in part to Mr. Miller [the "compass" came from Henry Miller], and in part to Mr. DB. A pre-show conversation about "what we owe the audience" clarified for ourselves that its ok to be exhausted, we have to accept that - but still create a coherent, meaningful work. I think we got close this time. Odd form - some sections were very short (my solo, thanks a lot Daniel) but overall I think it went well. Not bad audience - 10 or so, which for mid-afternoon seems good. Hate to admit it, but I think we do perform better when there's an audience - then when there's only one or two people in the house. Actually, we did some nice work when it was just us and the lightboard operator earlier this morning, so maybe more complicated than that...
took a shower and two advil. feel much better now.
3pm, Hour 19: "I am finding joy"
DB: Oh my, we are now officially completely loopy. The "compass" we selected (at random) certainly encouraged me to get a little slap sticky - but it was fun, it was freeing in a way. I did these funny little hops that made me feel like I was in Devo. I jumped for joy a number of times. I did a little skipping dance that made me smile. And, eventually Jonathan joined me in my loopy freedom. The audience laughed along with us - good time.
4pm, Hour 20: "electricity and compressed air"
JM: We are loopy now... lots of horsin' around and play fighting. Some good music in there too, I hope. Opened the piece with noise from the wireless transmitter (to evoke "electricity"). Good distinct sections this time through. I guess we're learning to cope with exhaustion!
5pm, Hour 21: "the strategy of the bundle"
DB: Another really quiet one. It felt like almost nothing happened - we didn't make it through all the sections - the beginning was really long, maybe at a few moments a little lost, but mostly following a slow long development. In some ways playing the guitar together didn't make sense to me this time - we did it, but it seemed a little forced or odd. I think we should give ourselves permission to leave out sections - which we do - but that option should be made more explicit. Three more hours - a blink, a lifetime...
6pm, Hour 22: "so elegant, so refined"
JM: mmm. Elegant and refined. In our case: slow, gestural, and not so much standing up. A few comic contact moments - rolling like a log head to toe, etc. in addition to Daniel's nice graceful and elegant solo.
7pm, Hour 23: "something other than your scrawl"
DB: Lots of gestural work - lots of faux-writing - on the floor, on the guitar strings, in the air, on each other. So often this type of gestural stuff gets slap-sticky, and sure enough, we were slap-sticky in a very strange way. Not in the way of Chevy Chase or the Marx Brothers, but in a post-modern, not the kind of the audience realizes that it's funny type of way. I had fun, and I think Jonathan had fun – wasn't our most profound artistic statement.
8pm, Hour 24: "a dream I had over and over"
DB: Well, this hour's "compass" is certainly appropriate - at this point it certainly seems dream-like, and I can't believe we've just done it for the last time - the 24th time - over and over. Everyone was asking us if we were going to do anything special for this last hour - was this going to be special? The only thing that we said to each other before going on that was different was to try and not hurt one another. We didn't -so, that was good. But, the adrenaline of the last performance did pump us up and we used up every last bit of energy we had left. I had a big, full bodied, athletic solo that lasted, maybe, 90 seconds - at the end of which I completely collapsed on the ground. Jonathan entered, slowly playing this single note over and over. At the end of the work we were scooting across the stage, passing the guitar back and forth. We kept going right out into the audience until we were sitting in the middle of them, looking around. After a long-ish pause, I said, "Well, that was interesting, wasn't it?" And that was the end of the piece, of the 24 hours.
9pm, Hour 1: "to be isolated: every object"
DB: So, we just did the first hour - and we were barely ready - we could only get in the theater one hour before the show and it was a rush to get ready. We didn't even, really, have time to warm up. So, we kind of eased into this show. But, then, of course, I started doing crazy breakin-type moves that was hard on my knees. At one moment I thought, "I must be nuts to be doing this without even warming up." But, we got through it and it seemed interesting to both of us and the audience was really responsive. We'll see what happens next hour.
10pm, Hour 2: "a paralyzed hobo poet"
JM: Well, we certainly have kept our promise to make it different each time (so far). This hour's "compass" certainly had many possibilities. We didn't get to explore much of the "paralysis" side of things, but at a few points I stood in one place and made gestures mostly with hands/arms. During a section where we were both dancing, we had a nice contact duet as the sound slowly faded away. Also felt very nice to get back into our roles at the end... when we knew we had at least five minutes to go I went back to the guitar and let the looped material die away - leaving room for live playing only. Started that section with noisy stuff (hobo poet) and then found one chord to stretch out for a nice long time (paralyzed). Two down. Twenty-two to go...
11pm, Hour 3: "a distance of nine or ten"
DB: OK, so the hours have started to blur a little already. Is it hour 3 or 4? Yikes. This time we actually were funny. I started to count out loud, "1,2,3...9," and it became a little "bit" - hopefully in the best way something can become a "bit." Without getting too slap-sticky we took the phrase we were working on and added some whimsy to it - not something Jonathan and I do very often so it was nice to find that this hour. Another thing I noticed, especially towards the beginning was how some of the movements from the earlier hours were seeping into this hour. I started to revisit themes and specific movements. I hate to think I'm repeating myself - actually it feels more like weaving the different ideas through one another.
12am, Hour 4: "all night and won't let us sleep"
JM: It's getting a little tougher. I was happy with some of the music this time - opening was fairly strong, I think. I found the "compass" a bit hard to use – didn't really get past the surface of it. Daniel's solo was in silence - he went and turned off all the audio, which made for a sudden change. So I left the stage. He did a great job with it - I threw him a real curveball. Starting to feel some fatigue (this is nuthin', I'm sure... but just first signs). Also now I'm feeling fresh out of ideas. Next hour will be much more challenging, I think. This one, I had a hard time picking up movement ideas from Daniel - not sure why this was harder.
1am, Hour 5: "parts of the earth, about languages"
DB: Well, that was challenging. I think Jonathan and I were disagreeing a little about the music. Jonathan kept it spacey and I tried to pick it up a little, but it seemed he was resisting a little. Maybe that wasn't his experience, but I felt the music was really pulling me down. The other thing I noticed this time was that we have gotten into a rhythm of starting in our roles, go into passing the guitar and then me leaving for Jonathan to have his solo. I feel like I get done with that section, and a little tired of dancing, so I leave. We need to find other options. And one really sweet thing - there is a couple on a date and they have watched every hour so far.
2am, Hour 6: "A strange, masochistic affair"
JM: As promised by the "compass" this one was intense. Lots of suffering, wrestling, angst, etc. Show opened with the bar staff taking the trash out the stage door - which is in the audience area at this particular theater... Starting things off noisy and kinda f-d up. We open each show in "our roles" and we're now trying to find some new ways out of that. We found one so far.
I made some looped material, moved out into the stage, and then we both danced.
3am, Hour 7: a white camellia blossom
DB: Quiet. Gentle. Complete opposite of last hour. Stillness. Silence. Long period of time with gentle repetition of motif. Easy does it. Maybe our tiredness is coming on, but also that expanse of nighttime is setting in. That time of night when it seems endless. The darkness is complete, most people are away in their homes. There is a quietness to the world when you can hear yourself breathe. Very simple. Beautiful. 5 people in the audience.
4am, Hour 8: "something dear and rich"
JM: This one was a hard nut to crack... but we got there eventually. Started with lots of floor work - I played the guitar on the stool, then a while on my knees. Daniel joined me, after lots of time on the floor himself. I wiggled my foot repeatedly - like Wickett [ed. note: that's my dog] wagging his tail (dear, not so rich). Daniel did a high-energy solo - rest of show was fairly mellow. We did quite a bit of duo dancing, but almost no contact.
5am, Hour 9: "and then you notice"
DB: This was a very interesting hour. The "compass" led me to try and either get Jonathan to notice me or notice something outside of me - an object or direction. I also began noticing the things that I was noticing - even, myself and my movement. It led me to do quick, sudden movement with pauses - almost as if I did a movement, then noticed it, and then moved again. There was also another moment that was striking - when I was downstage with my back to the audience playing the guitar and Jonathan had a totally rocking solo - of course, he describes it as "flailing."
6am, Hour 10: "Most of us don't breathe"
JM: I thought this one would be clearer than it was. My feet are starting to hurt a little bit, and my balance is not so good. Some technical problems with the guitar rig - had to reset audio during my solo. Some nice duo moments - but mostly just me imitating Daniel. Sure hope I think of some new ways to move.
7am, Hour 11: "holding it in my hands"
DB: Well, I think we learned something important this run - to perform where you are at. Meaning, be present. Meaning, don't try and bust a move if you ain't got no moves left, and I'll tell you at 7am and the 11th performance in a row, we don't have many moves left to bust. Of course, we both know this - I talk about it all the time with my company and classes that I teach. But, I guess you need to learn these things again and again - and, apparently, at 7am is a good time to learn a thing or two. The whole piece was gentle, slow, but totally present - not sleepy, or distracted. Really great! Of course, our only audience member was our volunteer (Jen) who was working in the Box Office.
8am, Hour 12: "drifting sand"
JM: Another low energy - but very focused run. I opened with some droning guitar loops which introduced an indian / middle eastern feel then started playing a faux-middle-eastern kind of melody on top. That turned into a lengthy and self-indulgent guitar solo as I tried to transform the middle eastern feel into blues (slide + distortion). Meanwhile Daniel was doing some very nice and elegant drifting on the floor. Eventually we got up off the floor. Eventually I joined in with the dancing... turned out nicely I think.
9am, Hour 13: "it seems as if it would never stop."
DB: Wow that was different than the last couple. The "compass" really brought out repetition for both Jonathan and I. I started doing pivot turns at the beginning and just kept doing them for 3-4 minutes. It seems, for good reason, that they would never stop. This repetition also brought on intensity and some kind of conflict between Jonathan and I. At one point I rolled Jonathan downstage so part of his limbs were hanging off the stage and I pressed down hard on his ribs. After awhile (don't have a sense of how long it was, but for a good amount of time) I released his chest and he took this huge inhale - it was great to see his ribs move so much. Of course, he promptly started rolling me across the stage and we were off manipulating one another. These elements of repetition and manipulation certainly made me wonder when it would stop - hopefully the audience didn't feel that way, well, all three people....
10am, Hour 14: "For a drink of star"
JM: Went pretty well... but we raced through the opening sections and found ourselves with a good 10 minutes left to go after we were kinda done. But all things considered it was still nice.
11am, Hour 15: "before the word was written"
DB: Oh my, we went hard that time. We had our biggest audience since last night and the energy in the room really inspired us to push the physicality of it very high. At one point I was standing at the back of the stage with my head resting on a pole while Jonathan played his guitar and there was sweat pooling at my feet. It felt like the ancient aspect of this "compass" brought out some ancient feelings, emotions, and movements. I had this reoccurring earthy, bent knee dance that felt like I was dancing an ancient dance. The music became very percussive and driving. I think I might have used up all my remaining energy.
12pm, Hour 16: "Clink! Clink!"
JM: That was a tough one. Hour 15 was draining. This one didn't seem to find it's focus - it was all over the place. Well, we just kinda made it through that one. Not sure that it really held together or developed over time.
1pm, Hour 17: "Spring comes"
DB: This is hard. This is really hard. I thought 5 and 6 o'clock in the morning was hard, but this is very hard. Where do we get the energy to do 7 more? I have NO idea. I'm beat, Jonathan's beat. Trying to keep focus is difficult - it feels like we're just sleep-walking through it - just repeating, not connecting, no energy - yuck! What to do? I have no idea.
The question comes up, at this point, what do we owe the audience? - they know it is hour 17, or the next hour, 18 - what do they expect? What is acceptable? How do we judge these performances - when we're so tired...
2pm, Hour 18: "trying to grasp at a straw"
JM: Ah much better. Much more focused - thanks in part to Mr. Miller [the "compass" came from Henry Miller], and in part to Mr. DB. A pre-show conversation about "what we owe the audience" clarified for ourselves that its ok to be exhausted, we have to accept that - but still create a coherent, meaningful work. I think we got close this time. Odd form - some sections were very short (my solo, thanks a lot Daniel) but overall I think it went well. Not bad audience - 10 or so, which for mid-afternoon seems good. Hate to admit it, but I think we do perform better when there's an audience - then when there's only one or two people in the house. Actually, we did some nice work when it was just us and the lightboard operator earlier this morning, so maybe more complicated than that...
took a shower and two advil. feel much better now.
3pm, Hour 19: "I am finding joy"
DB: Oh my, we are now officially completely loopy. The "compass" we selected (at random) certainly encouraged me to get a little slap sticky - but it was fun, it was freeing in a way. I did these funny little hops that made me feel like I was in Devo. I jumped for joy a number of times. I did a little skipping dance that made me smile. And, eventually Jonathan joined me in my loopy freedom. The audience laughed along with us - good time.
4pm, Hour 20: "electricity and compressed air"
JM: We are loopy now... lots of horsin' around and play fighting. Some good music in there too, I hope. Opened the piece with noise from the wireless transmitter (to evoke "electricity"). Good distinct sections this time through. I guess we're learning to cope with exhaustion!
5pm, Hour 21: "the strategy of the bundle"
DB: Another really quiet one. It felt like almost nothing happened - we didn't make it through all the sections - the beginning was really long, maybe at a few moments a little lost, but mostly following a slow long development. In some ways playing the guitar together didn't make sense to me this time - we did it, but it seemed a little forced or odd. I think we should give ourselves permission to leave out sections - which we do - but that option should be made more explicit. Three more hours - a blink, a lifetime...
6pm, Hour 22: "so elegant, so refined"
JM: mmm. Elegant and refined. In our case: slow, gestural, and not so much standing up. A few comic contact moments - rolling like a log head to toe, etc. in addition to Daniel's nice graceful and elegant solo.
7pm, Hour 23: "something other than your scrawl"
DB: Lots of gestural work - lots of faux-writing - on the floor, on the guitar strings, in the air, on each other. So often this type of gestural stuff gets slap-sticky, and sure enough, we were slap-sticky in a very strange way. Not in the way of Chevy Chase or the Marx Brothers, but in a post-modern, not the kind of the audience realizes that it's funny type of way. I had fun, and I think Jonathan had fun – wasn't our most profound artistic statement.
8pm, Hour 24: "a dream I had over and over"
DB: Well, this hour's "compass" is certainly appropriate - at this point it certainly seems dream-like, and I can't believe we've just done it for the last time - the 24th time - over and over. Everyone was asking us if we were going to do anything special for this last hour - was this going to be special? The only thing that we said to each other before going on that was different was to try and not hurt one another. We didn't -so, that was good. But, the adrenaline of the last performance did pump us up and we used up every last bit of energy we had left. I had a big, full bodied, athletic solo that lasted, maybe, 90 seconds - at the end of which I completely collapsed on the ground. Jonathan entered, slowly playing this single note over and over. At the end of the work we were scooting across the stage, passing the guitar back and forth. We kept going right out into the audience until we were sitting in the middle of them, looking around. After a long-ish pause, I said, "Well, that was interesting, wasn't it?" And that was the end of the piece, of the 24 hours.
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